Close to Home
by Merrywetherweather
Summary: It's a davekat neighbor au and I'm actually going to try and have more development and plot rather than just skip to porn as fast as I can this time. Get ready for fluff and feelings. And snark. Holy hell is there snark. Rated M for future smut.
1. Move-In Day

Karkat picked up the last cardboard box from the back of his old beat-up Buick. Today he started life on his own. Okay, so technically that started four years ago when he started college and insisted on living on campus. But now he had a degree; albeit a Bachelor's in English, but a degree nonetheless. And he could get a job and join the adult world and do adult things, like living in his first apartment complex.

The building was in pretty good condition. No graffiti and in a respectable part of town. It wasn't too far away from his job at a local coffee shop so he could walk and not have to spend a lot on gas. He had checked out his apartment and everything seemed in okay working condition. The sink made a noise that resembled that of a dying orca when he turned on the faucet, but hey, no home was perfect.

He walked into the building and settled the box down with a huff as he readied himself to ascend the steps. A downside to the complex was that there were five stories and it had no elevator. Karkat's apartment was on the fifth floor.

"Hey," Karkat turned around. There stood a blond man, about a head taller than him, wearing a pair of shades that rested on the bridge of his nose, "You look like you need some help."

Karkat was a bit thrown off, "Actually, yeah, I could use some help."

The guy smirked, "Well, I hear there's a decent moving company just down the street."

What a prick, "On second thought I'm going to just haul this shit up five floors and you can go fuck yourself with your own ego if you're done stroking it to the idea of how you just burned the new guy. Later asshole!"

Karkat picked up the box and tried to hurriedly abscond up the stairs. _What a douche! _In his fury he lost his footing and tripped. He started to fall backwards. _Fuck!_ An arm went around his shoulders and a hand found his hip, steadying him as his box of belongings flew to the ground.

Karkat stared up at the prick, "Falling for me already?"

Karkat pushed the man's face away and turned away to hide his blush, "FUCK OFF!" _Jesus! When had he gotten so close!_ He scrambled down the steps and started picking up his things.

The guy actually came back down to help him, "So, what's your name?"

"…Karkat Vantas."

"Oh my god. What the fresh fuck is this?"

He was holding up one of Karkat's novels.

He was holding up one of Karkat's _romance_ novels.

"Give me that!" Karkat dove for the book but the man childishly held it out of reach.

"Are you really into this shit? Where's the appeal? Are there some X-rated scenes in here? Is that it?"

"You're an ass! I read it for character development! The characters are really interesting!"

"'Alexandra was a normal girl… until she met Robbie. Now all she can think about is how his smile makes her see stars and how his…' Wow. This isn't just your average run of the mill romance novel. This is a grade-A piece of smut," He peered down at Karkat after reading the summary on the back cover, "How can you be into this garbage?"

Karkat swiped the book from him. His face was burning from anger or embarrassment or maybe both, "What right do you have to judge me? How can you honestly be getting on my case when you're wearing those dorky sunglasses at this time of day? The sun is setting, Pilot Douche-Dick. You are relieved of duty and so are your stupid aviators."

"Oh. No. You did not just sass my shades. These babies are so fly, they're like American Airlines."

"I. What?"

"Bro, you wanna talk in slams? Dish it to me in some sick jams. Cause burns and stingin metaphors are what I'm hankerin for. If you can't supply than this verbal confrontation's win is mine."

"No. NO. Goodbye," Karkat picked up the box and tried to ascend the steps yet again.

The man followed, "But, bro, rhymes have the gumption to satisfy my consumption of all the sick fires I want to endure. Can't you see the allure?"

"Fuck you! I'm not your "bro"! Stop rapping! Why are you following me?!"

Karkat stopped in front of his door and the man walked passed him and leaned against the door juxtapose to his, crossing his arms in a "cool kid" pose, "Because we're neighbors. I'm Dave. Dave Strider."

Karkat tried to control his breathing as he dropped his box by the door. He was panting pretty hard, "Are… you… kidding me?!"

"Nah. This is your reality. Congrats. All your secret prayers have been answered. You get to live next to the one and only Dave Strider."

Karkat went inside his apartment and slammed the door so fast, he actually feared for a minute that he might have broken the sound barrier.

_What. The. HELL._


	2. Sick Beats But It's Bedtime

Tired from unpacking, Karkat settled down with his computer in his bed. He still had to write a movie review for the latest release. It was a small job that he received little income for from an online newspaper, but he enjoyed it and a degree in English didn't really help him find better work.

After sending his article to his editor he put the laptop aside and decided it was time he got some rest. He usually had trouble getting to sleep but perhaps tonight was his night? He was exhausted after all.

No sooner did he lay his head down on his pillow and closed his eyes did a loud continuous thumping open them again.

"Oh dear god."

He threw off his sheets and paced out into the living room. The sound was coming from the other side of the wall. It was music. The kind of music one might find at a club. The only issue with this discovery was that this wasn't a fucking club.

"Strider…," Karkat muttered. He shared this wall with the insufferable dick.

Whatever! He'd just go out and buy ear plugs tomorrow so he could get some sleep. There was no reason to start trouble with new neighbors on his first day. And also he really didn't want to confront the guy. He was a bit… extra? He didn't know how to describe him.

He made fun of him and then hit on him. Consecutively. That was… impressive, but did he actually expect to get some sort of response aside from a solid "Fuck you."? Dave was good looking. He had nice hair and under his clothes, Karkat could tell he had lean muscles. He was pretty pale with a small dusting of freckles on the bridge of his nose. It was… kind of cute…

WAIT. NO. FUCK THAT NOISE. Fuck that noise so hard. Karkat most certainly would not follow that train of thought for another moment. And while he was at it, fuck that literal noise blaring into his ear canals. No thoughts of douchebags that cause nothing but problems would be entertained.

On Karkat's second night in his new apartment he bought himself the ear plugs. They were annoying. They didn't fit right, they kept falling out, and they didn't help with the vibrations the music caused. But he refused to talk to Strider. He would just have to endure it.

He lasted four days.

He hadn't slept in FOUR DAYS, and it was starting to take its toll. The bags under his eyes were growing darker. He looked like a raccoon.

Karkat ran to Dave's door and started to knock, "STRIDER!"

The music didn't stop and no one answered. Karkat leaned against the door, "pleeeease…" He was on the brink of tears.

The music stopped and the door opened. Karkat stumbled forward and then back peddled awkwardly.

"What's up, buttercup?" What a smug assshole.

"I have been getting fuck-all sleep for the past four days and you have the gall to talk to me like you don't know what you're doing? Do you think I'm an idiot?"

His grin widened, "Honey, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Why didn't you answer the door faster?"

"I was wearing my headphones. Didn't really hear you at first. I'm putting together a set for my dj-ing gig at a nightclub for this weekend."

"Yeah… well… shit," Karkat put a hand to his head and swayed a bit.

Dave's grin disappeared, "Hey, are you alright? You don't look too hot."

"Fuck…," Everything went dark.

Karkat awoke to the smell of coffee being brewed and the feeling of silk sheets.

"Mmm…," Wait. Where the hell was he? He sat up and Goddamn. Where were his clothes? He was wearing his boxers but his sweater and pants…? They were folded neatly on a dresser. Someone had undressed him. Someone had carried him to a bed and undressed him. He quickly scurried to the dresser and threw on his sweater. He had his jeans up to his thighs when Dave walked in and leaned in the doorway with a cup of coffee.

"Morning, babe."

"Get the fuck out!"

"Why?"

"I'm indecent."

Dave looked him up and down and smiled, "Nah. I'd say you're pretty decent. Your legs are actually a little more than decent in all honesty."

"I hate you!"

"That's a reaction I've never gotten before from someone sleeping over here. It's usually, "Thanks for the great time," or, "Call me,"."

"Why did you bring me in here?"

"You passed out in front of my door. I couldn't just leave you there. Well, I guess I could of but I felt I had already fulfilled my be-a-shitty-person quota for the day."

"You undressed me…"

"Yeah. You looked uncomfortable."

"Did you plan this?"

"Plan what?"

"Luring me in here with your loud shitty club mixes so you could harass me some more? Do you feel any remorse? Are you happy that you succeeded?"

"Absolutely."

"Oh my fucking Christ. I wanna strangle you."

"If it makes you feel any better I didn't plan on you taking a snooze of epic fucking proportions while you were coming to complain. Also I made coffee. How do you like yours?"

"I don't want your coffee and… fuck! Hold on!" Karkat was struggling with getting his skinny jeans over his ass.

"Need some help?"

Karkat glared at him and Dave remained silent as he finally managed to pull them up all the way, "What time is it?"

"Two in the afternoon. You've been here for most of the day. I couldn't take my afternoon nap because you were hoggin up the bed."

"Shit! I'm gonna be late for my shift! I have work in fifteen minutes!" Karkat pushed past Dave and went to open the front door.

"Wait, sweetie," Dave pulled him back and kissed him on the cheek, slipping a thermos into his hand, "Almost forgot your goodbye smooch."

Karkat slammed the door on his way out, since he couldn't think of the right words to convey his anger.

The rest of Karkat's day went by smoothly. His boss wasn't really upset with him for being late and the customers were amiable. He just didn't know what he was going to do about Dave's music making next door… Hmm… Dave. Making music. Okay! Fuck! Getting derailed again!

When Karkat returned home he had resigned himself to suffering through another sleepless night as he reluctantly crawled into bed. The sound of music drifted into his room and… it was… peaceful? It was quiet and soothing and made his eyelids heavy.

"That fucking bastard," He grumbled as he comfortably slipped into sleep.


	3. Petty Theft and Coffee Shops

When Karkat stepped outside the next morning on his way to work his newspaper was missing. He looked over and saw Dave's paper had arrived without trouble. The guy didn't really seem the type to read the paper, and Karkat liked checking his competition in the movie review section. Surely it wouldn't hurt if he just swiped it for the day?

So he snagged it and left for work.

It was a windy autumn day outside. Not cold, just windy. The sky was clouded over but there wasn't a drizzle. It was perfect.

When he walked into the coffee shop his coworker, Nepeta, was there to greet him, "Karkitty! You're fur minutes late! I told Equius you were already here and just had to use the bathroom."

"Thanks Nepeta," She looked different today. She still wore her usual blue cat hat over a head of short, red hair that curved into her freckled face. Her hair contrasted nicely with her olive eyes, "You look strange today."

She blushed, "I… What?"

"Did you do anything with your hair or something? Did you grow taller?" Karkat put a hand to her head and measured out where she was on him, "Nope still short."

"Fur a boy, you're short too!" She protested, "Anyway, I put on a bit of make-up today. You didn't notice?"

Karkat shrugged, "Not really."

Nepeta looked a little crestfallen, "Oh…"

"A-Although purrhaps it's just the lighting in here?" Karkat tried to cheer her up with one of the cat puns she liked, even though it pained him to say it.

She giggled, "Whatefur! Just get to work befur Equius catches us standing around doing nothing. You're on register duty today."

Karkat let out a sigh of relief. He didn't know why, but there was always this kind of intense atmosphere whenever he engaged in conversation with Nepeta.

Around lunch time Karkat was wiping down the counter when the bell on the front door rang, signaling the arrival of a new customer.

"Welcome!" Karakt didn't know how Nepeta could remain so cheerful all day.

"Uh. Yeah. Hi," Oh shit. Karkat knew that voice.

Karkat turned around and there was Dave Strider standing in the entry way at his area of work. He looked as surprised as Karkat felt, until a small grin crept up onto his face.

"Karkitty?" Nepeta's voice jolted him out of his shock and he realized he was staring.

"Karkitty?" Dave asked.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Language!" He heard Equius call from the back room, where he was taking stock of the inventory.

"What can I get for you today?" Karkat growled out.

Dave leaned across the counter, "I was thinking of ordering an ornery barista to go. Any of those in stock?" Nepeta gasped.

"I apologize, sir! I have not found any in my counting," A voice called from the back again.

"He wasn't being serious, you dolt!" Karkat replied.

"Who's to say I wasn't?" The man was unreadable with those stupid shades on, but he looked like he meant business.

"I don't think I can take anything you say seriously. Are you going to order something or-?"

"Is that cat girl your girlfriend?" Dave interrupted him.

"What?!"

"She's into you right? Are you dating?"

"Karkat leaned in close so he could whisper, "It isn't like that. She doesn't like me like that."

"Dude, she hasn't stopped stealing glances at you since I walked in. I'm guessing that eye-fuckage continues throughout the entire day and you're just oblivious to the whole thing, yeah?"

Karkat covered his face with a hand, "Please stop talking. Why do you even care?"

"Because I'm very obviously after your peen?"

"Oh my god. If I buy you a coffee will you leave?"

"Nope. How about we hang out tonight? Also, you owe me for swiping my paper this morning."

_Shit_, "How do you know it was me?"

"I was actually on my way to get it and I totes heard you grumbling and rustling around out there. Was gonna jump out and go 'Swiper no swipin' because I need it to draw some ironic comics that relate to whatever bullshit catches my eye in there for my blog, but then I was like, nah man, that would give you a heart attack and I really didn't want you passing out in front of my door again."

"I was planning on watching a movie tonight."

"Cool. What are we watching?"

Karkat let out a long sigh, "I don't know yet, but you aren't allowed to make fun of whatever I pick. Now please order something before I get in trouble."

"Sweet. I'll take a cup of pumpkin spice. Large. Do you guys write the names of customers on the cups like Starbucks?"

"No."

"Okay. Cool. So make it out to the 'hot blond' and also maybe write your phone number on there."

When Nepeta was done preparing the drink Karkat handed the beverage over to Dave.

"This does not look like 'hot blond' followed by seven very important digits."

"It says 'insufferable prick'. I don't know why you're so upset. They're the same person."

"That is the most backhanded compliment I've ever received."

"GET OUT."

"Alright. See you tonight," And with that Dave strolled out the door.

"Karkitty…," Karkat's attention was pulled to the small red head.

"Yes?"

"This may seem furward but… was that your boyfriend?"

"HE ISN'T EVEN MY FRIEND FRIEND. HE IS MY STUPID NEIGHBOR WHO PLAYS GODAWFUL MUSIC AT FUCK O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING."

"Mr. Vantas! Language!" Equius was brutal.

"Fuck. Sorry."

"You two just seemed really close."

"I met him, like, not even a week ago. He's a jerk."

"Yeah, but he's kind of attractive," She worried her lip.

"If you like him _you_ can date him."

Nepeta's eyes widened, "Uh no! That wasn't… I mean, the one I like is... This isn't coming out right… He's just not my type. I'm more into… angry baristas?"

It was Karkat's turn to be flustered, "Oh geez, Nep! I'm sorry! It's just, well, I don't really think of you that way."

"No. I understand. Besides you and he look really cute together."

Karkat felt his face heat up, "What is it with people accusing me of feelings that obviously don't exist today?"

"You can't fool me! I saw you check him out when he walked in."

"Okay, Nep, you know what? In my eyes, you are like twelve, and hearing you say things like 'checking him out' or anything sexual just makes me want to put you in time out and wash your mouth out with soap."

Nepeta pretended to look slightly affronted, "Whatevpurr! Just keep me up to date on anything that happens in your relationship. This is gonna be interesting!"

Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose, "I am dreading going home tonight."


	4. Movie Night

As soon as Karkat arrived home from work he set out to make the apartment clean. This wasn't a date. This was a way to get Dave to leave him alone, in a really roundabout, almost going completely in the opposite direction, sort of way. He still made popcorn though, and prepared a bowl of chips because he was a good host and no one could tell him otherwise.

There was a knock at the door fifteen minutes after eight. Karkat went to answer it.

Dave stood there in his pajama clad glory. He had a plain white T-shirt and a pair of pants with little records on them, "Where are your jams man?"

"My what?"

"Your sleep wear?"

"Isn't that a bit unnecessary?"

"Of course not. We _are_ havin a sleep over."

"When the fuck was that decided?"

"Just now. Now, go get changed."

"I'm almost afraid to leave you in here by yourself."

"What the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? Set your drapes on fire?"

"You'd probably do it now, just for ironic purposes."

"Jimmy-Jams. Now."

"Fine!" _Pushy bastard._

Karkat went to his room and looked through his closet and drawers. He didn't really wear bed clothes. Sweats usually worked just fine. He did get a set of pajamas for Christmas from one of his friends. That could work. He threw on the black shirt and grey shorts with little crabs printed across. When he observed himself in the mirror he was a little weirded out. He didn't usually wear anything that exposed that much leg. They were kind of thin, much like the rest of him. His hair was dark and his skin was a nice tanned color, thanks to his Italian heritage. But he still had dark bags under auburn eyes and a scowl that chased people away more than drew them near. He was starting to feel self conscious. Maybe he should just change into something that covered a little more.

The bedroom door opened, "Hey. You havin a fashion show in here?" Dave looked Karkat up and down, "Damn. You really do have nice legs."

A blush crept up into Karkat's cheeks, "I'm getting changed again!"

"Oh, no. This is perfect. No need to agonize over what to wear for little ol' me."

Karkat moved past him and into the living room, "Whatever, let's just get this over with."

"What are we watching again?"

"The Time Traveler's Wife."

"Oh shit. That sounds like some Dr. Who type madness. What is it? Action? Sci-fi?"

"It's a romance."

"Holy hell. Trying to get in my pants on the first date? You scamp."

"I didn't pick it out with you in mind! I was planning on watching it before you invited yourself!"

"I know. Cause you're all into the sappy romcoms and love stories, right? I guess I'll struggle through it."

"You don't have to be here, you know."

"Just play the damn movie."

Karkat started the movie and settled himself on his sofa with a blanket. It wasn't a particularly big couch so Dave was sitting close enough that their arms almost touched. Karkat would look over at Dave during his favorite scenes and see if Dave was paying attention. He could never tell with those stupid shades obstructing his face.

By the end Karkat was sobbing and clutching his blanket to his face to muffle the noises he was making, "Holy shit. Are you okay?"

"Shut," He sniffled, "Up."

Dave pulled him in for a hug and Karkat turned his face into his chest, "Take your time getting it out. I'm not going anywhere."

"You're such a dick," Karkat mumbled into his shirt. He was starting to worry he might be soaking it with his tears.

"Yeah, I know," Dave leaned over and kissed the top of his head.

Karkat stiffened. Shit. What was he doing? He wasn't going to do this. Nope. He definitely did not like Dave. He sat up and looked Dave in the eyes. He could just make out the outlines of them behind the dark tint of the glasses.

"You're sleeping on the couch," Karkat squeaked out.

"I don't think it's big enough."

"The floor."

"It's really cold and I didn't bring a blanket."

"You live right next door."

"Yeah, but I'm lazy."

Karkat groaned, "You can sleep in my bed if you keep your hands to yourself. You stay on one side and I'll stay on mine."

"Party pooper."

Karkat got up and led Dave to the bedroom. They situated themselves one on either side and Dave actually did keep his hands to himself.

The next day was Saturday and that meant Karkat didn't have work so he could sleep in. He lazily opened his eyes to the filtered light streaming through his curtains and snuggled back into the warm body that had enveloped him in his sleep. He panicked. With an unmanly shriek he pushed himself out of Dave's arms and off of the side of his bed.

He heard Dave grumble and stir but that was it. When he got up and looked around he saw with horror that he had been the one to move closer to Dave in the middle of the night. Dave still slumbered peacefully… Where were his glasses?

They were sitting on the nightstand by his side of the bed. Karkat was suddenly very curious. Without the glasses Dave seemed younger. He looked about Karkat's age. His lashes were long and so pale, they could have been translucent. They were kind of pretty for a boy.

Karkat leaned down, crossed his arms on the bed, and rested his chin on them as he stared at the sleeping man. Those eyelashes really did cast some nice shadows over his cheeks.

The eyelashes fluttered, and Dave's eyes opened. Karkat was so stunned by their color that he didn't even worry about Dave catching him observing him while he slept until after Dave made a remark, "Like what you see?"

"Your eyes are red."

"Yeah. So?"

"Is that why you wear glasses?"

"Nah. I just like wearin them. I'm not hiding my eyes or anything. Most people actually think they're pretty cool. They also help me pick up chicks."

Karkat through a pillow at him, "That was anticlimactic."

"Well you like them, right?" Dave groaned out groggily.

Karkat flushed, "They're certainly unique."

"Yeah, see? These peepers get me all the ladies… and Karkats," Dave added.

"Give me that pillow so I can bludgeon you with it again."

"Can one actually bludgeon another person with a pillow?"

"Let's find out."

"I have a better idea. Crawl back into bed so we can have a snuggle fest."

"It's already noon."

"I'm not hearing any opposition to the cuddling though."

"I'm not cuddling with you! Don't you have work?"

"Not until six. You get to have me to yourself for most of the day. Do with me what you will."

"I'm going to kick you out."

"Except that. Not sexy at all. I am just setting you up for some nice playful flirtations and you keep knocking them down one after the next."

"Maybe because I don't actually want to flirt with you?"

"Are you seeing anybody right now?"

The seriousness in Dave's face and the abrupt change in topic made Karkat flinch, "No."

"If you don't mind me asking, what's your sexuality?"

Karkat's face fell and there was a long silence.

"I've never really thought about it," Karkat deadpanned, "I don't like putting a label on it because if there's one thing I've learned from watching and reading romcoms, it's that love can come from anywhere," Karkat sounded like he was reading out of a textbook, his words were precise and practiced like he had answered it before in the same manner, word for word.

"That was so painfully cheesy and perfect, but also way too vague to be an actual answer to my question. Okay. Well, do you have a problem with me chasing your tail?"

Karkat really had no idea how to answer that.

After he was quiet for a while Dave spoke up again, "Are you a virgin?"

Karkat's face reddened again.

"Seriously?"

"I'd really appreciate it if you left now."

"Alright. Just as long as I know you're single and ready to mingle. I can't believe you're still a virgin though. With legs like yours-."

"Oh my gosh. leave! And stop talking about my legs!"

"Gotcha. Let's do this again sometime," And with that Dave picked up his shades, swept himself out of the apartment, and left Karkat's head in a state of disarray.


	5. A Birthday, Alcohol, and A Kiss

A bit of awkwardness lingered between Karkat and Dave after their sleepover. There was more silence between them, and it was mostly because Dave wasn't making any remarks or sexual advances. Maybe he wasn't as into Karkat as he'd originally thought? Why did this trouble him so much? He finally got his neighbor to leave him alone. He should be happy.

The day before Halloween Karkat was leaving his apartment to pick up some groceries when he heard a familiar cackle, "Terezi?"

Terezi stood next to Dave's door, drubbing the poor thing with her cane, her other hand gripping a bottle of wine. She turned and smelled the air, almost looking directly at him. It was a bit unsettling how she always knew where he was without needing to see him, "Karkat? What are you doing here?"

Dave opened the door and received a drubbing to his head, "Ow. Hey, Terezi."

Terezi gasped and gave Dave a huge hug, almost knocking him off of his feet, "Dave!"

"What the fuck? How do you two know each other?" Karkat's heart clenched a little at the sight of his best friend from high school hanging onto his neighbor's shoulders.

Terezi pointed her predatory grin Karkat's way and snickered, "Dave and I met in college. He's quite the lady's man."

"Oh," Karkat looked away, not sure where he should focus his eyes. Dave kept an unreadable face as he observed Karkat.

"We're celebrating my birthday. I tried calling you and you didn't pick up. None of my friends picked up except Dave. Why do you people even have phones if you never pick up? Anyway, you don't look particularly busy. Do you want to join us for drinks?"

Karkat looked at Dave but he remained silent and impassive, "Well, I was going out to buy some groceries."

"But, Karkat, it's my birthday. You have to listen to my requests. Sorry. I don't make the rules," She grabbed his elbow and ushered the two guys inside, "Now then, let's play a game of kings."

"Oh shit. Not kings," Dave frowned.

"What? Not feeling too lucky right now Dave?"

"Ever since your friend- Vriscount was it? -targeted me and got me shit-faced drunk at one of those wild frats, I haven't tried to play kings."

"Vriska. Ah yes," Terezi cooed fondly at the memory, "She has extremely good fortune and holds her alcohol very well. I'm afraid she had you in her line of sights for most of the night."

Dave shivered, "Yeah well she was pretty pissed when I didn't hook up with her afterward wasn't she?"

"Yes. She was very annoyed to have you fall out of her carefully spun web and into my loving embrace."

"Saved from the clutches of the spider queen," Dave smiled at Karkat, noticing how out of place he must have felt, "How do you know Karkat again?"

"Karkat and I were best friends in high school. We grew a bit distant when we went to separate colleges but we catch up on the phone every once in a while," Terezi prodded the back of Karkat's leg teasingly.

"How about we just casually drink tonight, TZ?" Dave pleaded.

"Well, alright. But only because I would wipe the floor with you guys with my luck, and I'd rather not see one of you get alcohol poisoning tonight."

After they settled down around Dave's coffee table and poured themselves some drinks. Terezi began to speak again, "So, do you guys have plans for tomorrow?"

"Why?" Dave lifted an eyebrow above the rim of his shades suspiciously.

"Because there's a little Halloween event happening and I think it would be fun if I had some friends to go with."

"I have work," Karkat hastily replied, "It's the busiest season for coffee right now."

"Karkat," Terezi deadpanned, "You work at a no-name brand coffee shop. You can take a day off."

"I'm free," Dave added.

"Great! Then it's settled. Look at us being social and making plans with mutual friends."

"Yes. It is so very pleasant and enjoyable," Karkat's voice dripped with sarcasm.

They drank a lot, mostly because Terezi kept pulling the birthday card on them. It was even more humorous when she was the first one to pass out after all that talk. Dave had taken his shades off and had a light dusting of blush on his cheeks, the only indicator that he wasn't exactly sober. Karkat was a lot worse. He had his head rested on the table and he was starting to slur his words a bit.

"Slider?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you mmm… like Terezi?"

Dave was quiet, and paused with his drink to his lips before answering, "I once thought we might take our relationship somewhere when we were in college, but we never did anything."

Karkat straightened up, "But she said you fell inta her lovin embrace at the frat party."

"She was being overdramatic. She just took me to her dorm room, where I puked my organs out into her trashcan and passed out on her floor. She was actually really shit about taking care of me, but at least she got me out of there."

Karkat took a moment to process this, "Didja sleep with a lotta people when you were in college?"

"Yes."

"Didja love any of those people?"

Dave took another moment to answer, "No."

What if Dave was only after sex with him? He kept telling Karkat he was serious but serious about what? A relationship? Wanting to have sex?

Karkat was quiet for a while before he asked, "Why doncha talk to me anymore?"

"What do you mean? We're talking right now."

"You stopped bugging me."

"Did you like it when I bugged you?"

"Answer my question first, you dolt."

Dave sighed, relenting, "I took a step back because you looked like you needed time to think about what I said to you. I didn't want to push you too hard. Even though you have all of these books and movies about romance you don't really seem all that experienced yourself so I wanted to give you some space and time. Do you not want me to?"

"I-I don't know…," Karkat looked down at his hands. He was fiddling with a hole in his sweater, when a shadow moved across his face and Dave leaned over the coffee table.

He kissed him. It was soft and tasted like wine. Karkat closed his eyes on reflex. There wasn't any tongue but it was gentle and nice. Karkat had kissed people before but it was never this lazy and relaxed.

When Dave leaned away, Karkat's eyes reopened. Dave was pulling a smirk, "You know, you're really cute."

Terezi snored loudly. Karkat looked down at her sprawled on the floor, "We should probably get her inta a bed."

Dave chuckled, "Yeah. I guess we should."

The next morning, Karkat awoke on top of Dave. They were sleeping on the couch, he remembered, because Terezi hogged up the entire bed and her god-awful nasal choir wouldn't quiet down. The rise and fall of Dave's breathing was lulling Karkat back to sleep when he recalled how he should probably be calling out of work right now.

After he got that out of the way Dave woke up and yawned, "Morning, sunshine."

"Good morning…," Karkat was feeling a little timid around Dave since last night's drinking had gotten a little too… intimate? "I think I have a headache."

"A hangover, huh? Man, have I got the cure for that. Scrambled eggs sound good to you?"

"Actually gentlemen," Terezi's voice echoed as she made her grand entrance into the living room, "There will be no time for breakfast."

"Why?" Karkat's stomach really wanted those scrambled eggs.

"We need costumes for tonight so a shopping we must go!"

"Hey, no problems there. I've got a costume prepared already since I have to wear it for my gig this weekend. Halloween weekend extravaganza at the club."

"Then Karkat and I will go last minute costume shopping alone," She turned her predatory gaze on Karkat.

"Nice knowin you, man."

"Dave, you prick."

Terezi sniggered as she pushed Karkat out the door.


	6. The Blind Side

"How about this one?"

Karkat came out of the changing room wearing a giant pumpkin costume. It came with a little green stem hat that tied around his chin.

Terezi was sitting in a chair, her head resting on her hand looking positively bored. It hadn't taken her long to pick out her costume. She was going to make an excellent queen Cleopatra, gold snakes coiling up her arms and a billowy white dress that fit her form nicely.

"You look gourd-geous," She pouted, "Can't you get something a little, I don't know, sexier?"

"Why the hell would I do that?" Karkat disappeared behind the curtain to remove the bulbous atrocity.

"Because Dave might like it."

"Why would I care about what he thinks!?" Karkat reopened the curtain to yell at the provoking girl.

"Oh my god. You two are dancing around each other, trying not to step on each other's toes or fall ass forward into a relationship. It's so painful to watch," They stared silently at each other, "Painful to smell?" She corrected herself.

"We are not dancing around anything!"

"Karkat… You busted out of the changing room in your boxers and an undershirt to yell at me. You're being really defensive about this. I mean, I noticed you guys on the couch last night when I went to take a midnight piss. I almost took a picture before I remembered that I wouldn't be able to see it."

Karkat jumped back into the changing room, "Sometimes I don't believe you're actually blind, like how did you know I was in my boxers?"

"That was actually a guess, since I know you really well. Just like I know you have something going on with Dave."

"I-I don't know what to do. Do you think he's only interested in sex?"

Terezi's mouth curved down, confused, "Hard to say. I know he likes sex but I've never actually seen, er, oh fuck it, him in a relationship before."

Karkat blew a laugh out through his nose.

"It's hard to be politically correct about my disability sometimes."

"Yeah, I understand. I won't call you out on it," Karkat came out of the dressing room again, "This one?"

Terezi smelled the air, "A cat?" He had black ears and a fluffy tail coupled with the clothes he had worn to the store, "Where's the rest of the outfit?"

"Damn you're good. Can't I just wear these?"

"I mean, yeah. It's a step up from a sour pumpkin. It's kind of fitting too."

Karkat let out a sigh of relief, "Awesome. We're done."

A store worker came up to the pair and addressed Terezi, "Ma'am, you can't be back here. This is the men's dressing room."

Terezi's face went stoic, "I'm blind. What does it matter?"

The worker blushed and excused himself.

"That was so mean. You shouldn't tease people like that."

"Hey. There have to be some advantages to being blind. If I can't mess with tight asses for my own enjoyment, what good is having a disability? I don't really see the harm… Literally," She cackled.

"You're fucking nuts… And beautiful."

When they got back to the apartment building Karkat let Terezi out of the car and then got back in the driver's seat, "I still have groceries to pick up so you can hang out with Dave until I get back."

"Oh really? I can? I get that privilege?"

"I mean, you can also go dumpster diving in my building's collective trash receptacle unit but I was under the impression you were trying to convince me that Dave was more enjoyable to be around than day old leftovers and plastic Hefty bags."

"Just go get your groceries before I toss you in a Hefty bag and throw _you_ in the dumpster."

Karkat sped out of the lot laughing as Terezi made her way to the building. She paid attention to the closing of a car door and then the audible clicking of heels of a woman in the lot as she headed in the direction of what Terezi presumed to be the apartment building. Terezi followed the noise. She had to be a bit more crafty and resourceful without eyesight. She made her way up the floors until there were no more stairs and tapped her cane on the hallway wall until she counted out the correct number of doors. She drubbed at the third.

"Hey, Rezi. Come on in," She heard Dave drawl out and move aside to let her in.

"Hello, Dave. We have some things to discuss."

"Uh-oh," Dave settled them down at his kitchen table with some tea, "Alright, so am I in trouble?"

"No, but we need to talk about Karkat. How serious are you about pursuing him?"

"I think he's cute and I want him naked in my bed… possibly forever."

"That's still too vague. What kind of relationship do you want with him?"

"I want to cuddle his butt and also maybe perform sexual acts with it?"

Terezi sighed, "Like as his boyfriend?"

"Yes. That."

"How determined are you?"

"Why? Is my life about to become Scott Pilgrim vs. The World?"

"No. No evil exes. However, his father is quite an obstacle."

"He doesn't approve of two guys doin it in the butt?"

Terezi snorted, "That's not even half of it," Terezi's face grew dark like she was contemplating something heavy. Dave went quiet, sensing the more somber air so that she could continue speaking, "I'm about to delve into a pretty dark story. Are you okay with listening?"

"If it's about Karkat, sure."

Terezi gave him a trusting smile, "Good," She cleared her throat and began to speak, "Karkat once suffered from domestic abuse."

"He… what?"

"Please hold off all questions until the end. I've never talked to anyone about this and it'll be easier if I can get it all out in one go."

Dave nodded.

Terezi cleared her throat, "In middle school and partway through high school, Karkat would always come to school with bruises and cuts. We all suspected there was something going on at the Vantas household, that his dad was beating him, but he didn't want anyone involved and if you ever brought it up he'd change the subject immediately. In our freshman year of high school, Karkat changed a bit. He was usually grouchy but he became more distant, less open. He also stopped coming in with injuries. We assumed everything was better, in respect to the lack of markings, but then his father's trial came to light.

There was a dangerous glint in her eyes, "Karkat's father was put on trial for killing his mother. He was let off without jail time, but the case revealed what was actually happening at Karkat's. We found out that it wasn't Slick, Karkat's dad, who had been beating him, but his mother. Slick had come home one day from work and had seen her holding a knife…," Terezi swallowed, "He's in a dangerous line of work so he usually carried a gun. He shot her," Terezi inhaled deeply, trying to keep her emotions under control. Dave could see her trying to steady her shaking hands on the table, "Slick was normally estranged when it came to his relationship with Karkat, but it got worse. Slick began to drink and Karkat hid himself in his room. Right before everyone was picking out colleges Karkat wanted to finally come out as gay to his father-."

"He said he didn't put a label on his sexuality," Dave interrupted.

Terezi smiled sadly, "That's what he told Slick after he didn't take very kindly to Karkat's confession, like there might still be a chance he'd end up with a girl. Like he might still be able to maintain some type of "normalcy", whatever the fuck that is," Terezi's voiced was venom before settling back to solemn, "If Karkat ever wants to repair his relationship with his father, and believe me, as much as he says it doesn't bother him, it really does, he needs to bring home a girl. It's either that, or he has to stop giving a fuck about what his father thinks and move on. He's kind of stuck right now. Even if he's gotten better by putting space between him and his old man, I've seen it affect him. I really don't want him to be stuck in his room all by himself again," Terezi's voice cracked a bit and she sipped at her tea. It wasn't warm anymore, but the gesture hid her uneasiness behind a parched throat well enough, "That's why you can't fuck around with him. If you do, I'll shoot off your dick and have it stuffed and mounted on my office wall so everybody knows how damn good I am at protecting people."

"Lawyer Terezi to the rescue," Dave smiled, "I understand. I'm not fucking around so you can relax. I genuinely like the guy."

Terezi grinned, "I know. You're a good guy Dave. Oh and you can't tell Karkat I told you. I trusted you enough to tell you because as a friend I believe you can help me protect him."

"He doesn't need protecting or pitying, Rezi," Dave stood up, "He needs our support."

"You cheesy motherfucker. Go put on your goddamn angel costume."

"Hey. I'm gonna be a _fallen_ angel. Big difference."

"Whatever. I smelled feathers. I was almost right."

"I still have two more questions that were unanswered."

"And they are?"

"Why did his mom snap and what kind of dangerous work does Karkat's dad do?"

Terezi folded her hands, "No one really knew why she snapped. She seemed perfectly fine and sane in public. Karkat wouldn't tell anyone. I don't even know if _he_ knows. People theorized that it was Slicks job that put too much pressure on her. He runs a gang."

"Oh. Well, yeah. That sounds plenty dangerous. Don't think it would be enough to drive a person mad though."

"It just goes to show how well you actually know people, Dave."

"Oh yeah? Well, how well do I know you, Terezi?"

Terezi snickered, "But that's the thing, Dave. You may be acquainted with every aspect of a person: their behaviors, their ideals. But every day, little by little, a piece of them changes. And if you aren't around for those changes you begin to lose that sense of knowing them. For instance, I was being polite but I really hate this tea."

"What? Oh hell no. You love Spring Dragon tea."

"I did… until I got sick of it. I drank way too much of it in college. It completely ruined it for me."

"These are some deep and sad truths you're droppin on me."

"I'll let you drop your "ill beats" on me later as compensation."

"Deal."


	7. A Maize Maze

Karkat arrived in front of Dave's door promptly at nine. He had chosen a black turtleneck and some black skinny jeans to pull off his black cat ensemble. He was fidgeting with the collar of the turtleneck when Dave opened the door.

"Hey," He smiled and gave him the once over, "A black cat, huh? That's pretty kinky. Didn't take you for the type. I see you're playing up your legs in those skinnies. Finally decided to draw attention to those great assets thanks to a certain someone's compliments?"

"Dave!" Terezi's cane came down on Dave's head and he was pushed out the door, "Don't be an ass right off the bat! You'll drive him away before we even get to the event!"

Terezi's shove had pushed Dave fully into view revealing a set of oily black wings trailing down his back from the straps on his shoulders. They were long enough that they ran down to the back of his knees. He wore a black tee to better blend in with the color of the straps and a pair of jeans.

"You also forgot your horns," The beads on her Cleopatra wig clinked together as she clipped them into place unevenly in his hair.

"I got it," Dave adjusted them.

"So not an angel then?" Karkat was a bit flustered. The wings really suited Dave for some weird reason.

"A _fallen _angel. I didn't pick it out. My club did," Dave leaned closer so he could whisper into Karkat's ear, "But hey, you can call me angel if you want anyway. I don't mind."

Karkat moved away and covered his ear with his hand, "Stop spouting out nonsense and requesting I call you ridiculous pet names!"

"Hmm," Dave pretended to think it over, "Nah," He smiled and Karkat felt his heart drop into his stomach and his face go red.

What the _fuck_ did his body think it was doing? He only smiled. It wasn't anything to get anxious about.

Terezi licked his face, "Karkat? You feel hot. Are you getting sick?"

"N-no! Can you not lick me?"

Karkat looked at Dave again but he wasn't smiling anymore. He looked shocked and there was a bit of blush peeking out from behind his shades, dusting his cheeks, "Hey, TZ. Can I take Karkat inside for a sec? I need to give him some whiskers for his cat costume."

"But-," Dave grabbed Karkat's arm and pulled him into his apartment, shutting the door quickly.

A moment later Karkat found himself back up against the door, with Dave hovering over him, "W-What?" Karkat questioned as Dave gave him a stern stare.

"You aren't allowed to be this cute. It isn't fair."

"What."

Dave rested his head on the door above Karkat's shoulder, "You can't just fuckin blush like an anime school girl. I didn't even do anything yet," Dave let out an exasperated sigh and in the most serious voice he could muster he asked, "Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Again, what."

Dave lifted his head up and pulled his glasses off, tucking them onto his shirt collar before looking at Karkat again, "If you continue being adorable where I can see you, I will have to take extreme measures," He leaned down and put his forehead to Karkat's. His breath was hot on his mouth, "Can I kiss you?"

He almost said yes. He panicked. Almost saying yes made him panic. He brought his hands up and was about to push Dave away, but he didn't.

Dave didn't look away. He gave a tentative smile that looked a bit sad and pulled back after leaving a peck on Karkat's temple, "Alright. I think I can make it through the night with that."

"Dave, I-."

"Vantas. I swear to god though. You aren't allowed to let people see how cute you are. You are _so_ lucky Terezi is blind."

Dave opened the door and Terezi fell forward and landed body flat against the floor, "Hey, gents. What's up?" She said, causally striking a pose.

"_You_ are so lucky you're blind too. Got it Pyrope?"

Terezi cackled, "Got it. Now somebody help me up so we can go!"

"What kind of event is this again?"

"It's a surprise!"

The surprise turned out to be a mosquito populated cornfield maze that the locals were using as a type of haunted house minus the house.

"Are people going to pop out at us?" Karkat was sending angry thought waves Terezi's way. He had bad nerves so this haunted maize maze was going to be hard on him.

"And props. But don't worry. They let people walk through it in groups."

"Great."

Dave nudged his elbow, "You scared?"

"THAT IS THE MOST LUDICROUS FUCKING THING TO HAVE LEFT YOUR MOUTH TONIGHT AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING CONSIDERING YOU HAVE BEEN SPEWING BULLSHIT NONSTOP SINCE I MET UP WITH YOU FOOLS."

"Relax," Dave slipped his hand into Karkat's, "We can hold hands."

Karkat spluttered and threw Dave's hand away, "Please kindly go fuck yourself. I have no intention of holding your hand and I'M NOT SCARED."

"Suit yourself. Just remember, you can always jump into my arms if you get the urge."

"Hey! If you two are done with releasing all that sexual tension, we're up next," Terezi huffed, "Honestly, children."

"Sorry, mom," Dave snickered.

Terezi scrunched up her nose and made a disgusted face as they entered the maze, "That makes my previous statement about sexual tension seem a bit incestuous."

The maze was relatively quiet. Terezi and Dave threw some quips back and forth and Karkat mostly screamed internally and grabbed onto Terezi's dress whenever a person popped out. Dave would comment on the person's costume and Terezi would try to lick them. One guy playing a mummy actually got a nice drubbing to the shin when Terezi tried to turn a corner. His moan of pain was so loud that they heard a nearby couple scream, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

Suddenly the singular path they had been on came to an end and they found themselves in an open area. There were three paths to continue onward.

"Well, it looks like we have to split up, gang," Terezi smirked.

"Jinkies," Dave deadpanned.

"Can't we just go through them all until we find the right one?"

"Karkat, would you do it for a Scooby snack?" Dave smirked.

"I AM A CAT, NOT A FUCKING DOG."

"Dave will follow the right path, I will take the left, and Karkat will take the middle. Two of them are obvious dead ends and this will be the fastest way to locate the correct path," Terezi strategized.

"Why do you get to decide who goes where?" Karkat questioned.

"Because I'm a lawyer and my word is law!" Terezi shouted out the words like a battle cry before rushing off onto the left path.

"YOU ARE A PAIN IN MY ASS AND YOUR WORDS MEAN SHIT TO ME!" Karkat called after her. He heard wild cackling in response.

"Well, I better get goin," Dave moved to the right path before disappearing from view.

"Fuck," Karkat was alone in the middle of a corn field. A cold wind swept past him and made his skin crawl. Was it just his imagination or did it seem to pull him in the direction of the middle path? "Double fuck."

He started on the path muttering as he went. Maybe his path was the correct one… That would mean there wouldn't be anything popping out, right? It was the last part of the maze after all, right?

Without Dave or Terezi the cornfield seemed far too silent and unsettling. Karkat hugged himself. It was getting a bit chilly by himself. He shivered as he turned a corner. _This is the middle path. There shouldn't be a corner._

A honk sounded and a clown head sprang out from the dead end of the cornfield. Karkat screamed and fell backwards. The head retracted but Karkat could still feel his heart racing. There was rustling in the maze heading towards him but Karkat's legs were shaking and he didn't think he could stand up yet, "Shit."

"Karkat?" Dave appeared from the field and looked down at him. He had some grassy stuff stuck in his wings and hair and he was breathing heavily, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Karkat was a bit stunned, "Did you run here?"

"Dude, you don't look fine."

"Y-Yeah, well, neither do you! Are you bleeding?!"

Dave looked at his arms. There were a few cuts here and there, "Shit. Yeah. Corn leaves are fuckin sharp. Who knew?"

"Why would you-Are you an idiot?"

"'Hey, Dave. Thanks for coming to my rescue, Dave.'," He squatted down next to Karkat.

"I don't need to be rescued!"

"Yeah. Yeah. But you need a hand, am I right?" Dave pointed to Karkat's legs. They still felt a bit shaky.

"You're an ass," Karkat took Dave's outstretched hand.

Dave pulled him up and steadied him gently, "I'm a motherfuckin knight."

When Karkat felt okay on his feet again, he didn't bother telling Dave to let go of his hand as they walked back to the open space where the maze branched off, "So, was your path the right one?"

"Technically yes, but also no."

"DON'T BE A SMART ASS."

"It was the wrong path, but I did manage to knock out the guy who jumped out at me when my path came to a dead end."

"YOU WHAT?!"

"It was a reflex. I'm always battle ready. That's why we were letting Terezi lead us around. She doesn't punch people or get overly freaked out."

"Oh my god. Should we call for someone or?"  
"Nah. Let's just finish the maze and then get the guy assistance. He'll be fine."

"Terezi is going to be so pissed when we get banned from this place."

"I've been banned from worse."

"Like?"

"Brothels."

"Are you kidding?"

"Absolutely not," Dave lifted his shades up and winked at Karkat, "Terezi told you I was quite the ladies' man in college."

"BUT BROTHELS ARE ILLEGAL."

"So is butterfly molestation in California. What's your point?"

"Why do you know that?"

"I was really wild in college."

Karkat groaned, "I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins with you."

Dave stopped and turned around to kiss Karkat swiftly on the lips, "The bullshit ends there."

Dave continued walking until they were out of the maze. Terezi greeted them, "There you guys are! Karkat!" Terezi put her hands on his face and licked a huge stripe along his cheek, "Why are you so red again?"


End file.
